Leaving and Letting Go (Part 2)

Backread: Leaving and Letting Go (Part 1)



Leaving. Letting Go.

In a span of two days, I was amazed by the number of places I have gone to. Coastal Mall, Robinson's Summit, Glorietta, Timezone, Taguig, Alabang, Laguna, school, fastfood, Ortigas, Tektite, home. But equal also in number are the places I have left. Let's face it. You enter a mall and you exit from it. You enter school, and you finish. Yes you may enter again, but you'd also have to leave again. Even this life, I will have to leave from it.

Cliche is the line that says life is just a journey. But come to think of it, literally, we really are on a life-long journey. We pack our bags, eat something along the way. Find some things, lose some. Get hurt, learn a trick or two. Have companions, lose some of them. Travel with a group, travel alone. 

While thinking of so many things, I was worried by an idea that struck me. How would I manage my life? I wanted to travel my journey carrying with me anything that I find worth keeping. But alas, I can only carry so much. I believe I have carried things to which the weight was approaching my limits. Letting go of something was never an option. Consciously that is. 

In fact, I believe that being busy had kept me from valuing people I used to value before. I had forgotten birthdays (it matters to me), communication lines, short chats, used-to-do-everyday hangouts. While taking a bath yesterday, I had wanted to stop expanding my life, only to realize in a snap that that wasn't even possible.

Leaving and Letting Go is an Art

Now I believe, Leaving and Letting Go isn't just an act. It's an art. It's an art because people make their own guises to cover up leaving. Some make pretty dumb excuses, while some make really good ones. Some like to do it slowly, some like it abrupt. Some do not engage in this art, only to find out sooner or later that their artworks are just waiting in corner, and they had to pay the price of picking something up along the course of their lives.

Leaving and Letting Go isn't the same thing. You pick up a doll in your toddler years. By the onset of puberty, you didn't want it anymore. You left it. You pick up a baby bottle and suck on it. By pre-school years, you cry because you can find it anymore. You had to let go.

I leave my problems. I had to let go of some of my dreams. I left Los Banos. I had to let go of my past relationship. My mother's having a hard time to let go of me. I'm having a hard time to leave an unemployed status. I make sure that I have a good excuse for leaving home.

Inevitable

At the end of the day, we have to leave and let go of many things. Sometimes, it's not a problem since we are going to deal with it the day after. However, sometimes it does, in the case of the loss of a loved one. But, no matter who we are, we are bound to take part in this art. It's either we pick up every single thing, turn them into poorly made constructs, take none of them, and be afraid and pass up all of them, or just to create a multitude of them, and perfect them to the best our limits.

Leaving and Letting Go (Part 1)

5:44pm
Missing Ana, Merryl and Robert, and the missed Cagbalete Trip


The Story Left to Unfold for Itself

Leaving. Leave. Left. Last Thursday afternoon, I went to Makati for a job offer, to which, unfortunately I had willingly declined. The specifics, I prefer not to tell at this moment. Afterwards, I hanged out with a good friend, then stayed at their place. Before leaving home, I brought with me many things: clothes for the night, laptop, toiletries, a handful of stories to share, and energy. I know the next two days would be challenging, to say the least.

Thursday. An hour before the scheduled job offer, I jumped off the bus, and then looked high and low for a particular building. To my surprise, Robinson's Summit was just across the street. I had wanted to immediately cross the street, but being the good citizen that I am (yes yes yes), I looked for another way - the underpass (or subway?). I decided to meet my friend first. Passing through a fastfood stop, I uhh..stopped. Then had a meal with him, then off I went to the job offer. I was encouraged to make the job offer at that moment. But I left with a promise to comply with the agreement of making the decision tomorrow. By the next day, I had to let go.

After a few more hours at Makati, we went to Taguig, to spend the night. First thing in the morning, I left for Laguna. I just had to get my grades and other requirements, and then I have to speed through the traffic for my technical interview at 2pm in Ortigas. I literally passed by Los Banos, as I had just gotten my papers, ate my lunch, changed clothes in a comfort room, then left.

I was late for 2 minutes. I was really embarassed, because an HR Personnel already called. Good thing I was already near (inside the FX). I had wanted to tell her, "Ma'am, globe time ba kayo? Wala pang 2pm eh." Well of course, I didn't. Realization: The corporate world doesn't rely on Globe.

The interview lasted for almost 4 hours. You could imagine me already wanting to leave. But since I really wanted this job in this company, I focused all my remaining energy to be at my best, specially my mind. As soon as the interview was finished, I hurried off, and didn't even wait for the FXs going to SM Megamall. Instead, I walked my way.

I was glad to be home by 9. Did whatever I had to do, lied on my bed, and left consciousness for a much needed rest.

Random Shot

Date: April 28, 2012
Place: CAS Auditorium, University of the Philippines Los Banos

This was an event held by our college a few hours before the Graduation Rites. This was an opportune time to give due credit to everyone: members of the faculty, parents, students and everyone else. This is a picture with my Mama.

If I'd rank all the people in my life to whom I'm thankful for, she'd be on top. I see myself as a child in an endless travel to the end of my own rainbow. All these times, my mom was the reason for the existence of the pot of gold. She was my inspiration. My matchstick to light the flame. I may leave her behind at times, in pursuit of my own goals, but when I reach my pot of gold, I'd shout and say, "This is all because of you, Ma." Thank you.

In deep thought

Closest to us is not family, but death.
Farthest from us is not the moon or stars, but time passed.
Biggest is not the mountain or sun, but our lust and desire.
Heaviest weight is not an elephant or iron, but responsibility.
Lightest is neither wind nor feathers, but praying.
Sharpest is neither knife nor sword, but our tongue.


-Iman Ghazali