Boomerang

Picture this. You work hard for an exam, and you get a perfect score. You took good care of your orchids and after a few weeks you see them in full bloom. You invest continuously in the stock market, and count some years, you will be able to start your own business.

Nothing beats the feeling of getting something you think you deserve. Simply put, you feel worthy maybe because of something you possess;  a desirable quality perhaps, a unique skill, or hardwork.

We are used to this. I'm sorry I needed companion so I used the term we. This is rational, because when the time comes that the things we do not expect happen more frequently than the things we do, we probably will change sides/expectations. I think the deserving part is a developed feeling, a feeling that grew through time and events.

Now picture this. You work hard for an exam, but you get an average score. You took good care of your orchids but after a few weeks half of them died. You invest in the stock market, and you went bankrupt.

Change of plans? I just might. In the past, actually, I did. *insert a lot of persuasive thoughts here* This is what I think we should work on. Challenging our inner bestialities and not giving in, as long as we still can look forward to something good.

Overwhelming

I. Can't. Sleep. Anymore.

My thoughts right now are like that - jittery (I have to borrow that term from Adobe Photoshop). It really feels like it, my mind jumping from one corner to another. I have done what I think I can do to get a few hours of precious sleep. I tried light snacks, reading two chapters of another book from David Levithan, watching an entire Russian film, read messages, re-read messages, get out of bed, close my eyes. I have done a lot. And sad to say, I think I'm going to work later light-headed.

I believe there are two reasons for this. One, my sleep was a bit dislocated since last Friday night. Remember, I left home from Miker's birthday party (which was more of a drinking and videoke session). Second, I can't put into writing my schedule for today. And for the rest of the week actually.

A mental checklist of the things to accomplish this week at work:

1. Finish the build scripts for my current project (due Tuesday night), which is currently under branching phase;
2. Start with the build scripts of the next project where I will be allocated (due September 22), which I have yet to start;
3. Help in preparing the CVS setup and build scripts as well of another project that asked for additional resources; and
4. Finish the repository file for a task in another project.

That's a total of four projects, and I can't say for sure if I can finish them all with their respective deadlines. I really can't wait to go to work. I hope I can pull this week off. God knows I can.

I can already smell breakfast.

Cousin Jeff

A few minutes earlier, I was drinking a bottle of Tanduay Ice and a half-consumed pack of Piattos. Now I'm drinking a bottle of cold water and eating a few pieces of rambutan. What happened in between is going to be history, but I'm writing it here to preserve the memory.

I was listening to my cousin (who I treat as my brother, long story) telling me about how tiring work becomes for him. He was promoted a bit sooner than expected, which means a lot of things: 

1. Having subordinates who are older than him;
2. Heavier load; and
3. Higher expectations.

And if this is not enough, he feels that he cannot do it. He was a bit down with the three bottles he had drunk in just a short span of time. I tell him how lucky he is about getting a job, though I know that he really is tired. But what can we do? I have embraced the fact that we are destined to work hard when we are still young, and whether we still get to work when we are old depends on the path we take during our younger years.

After a while, I remember one of my college best friends, who I think is equally burdened.

This is the world we live in.